Blending Families With Care

We sit down with CBS LA's Jamie Yuccas and her husband Douglas Green to explore how intentional love, therapy, and community shaped their blended family. From online dating to “growth mates,” we map the slow, steady steps that helped their home feel safe, joyful, and hopeful.

• centering a child’s pace during introductions
• using therapy early to build repair tools
• setting boundaries with the other household
• choosing growth mates over soulmates
• building a trusted circle beyond family
• protecting privacy while seeking support
• finding hope after divorce through intention

If today’s episode encouraged you, please follow or subscribe and share it with a friend as it helps more couples find our podcast.

Our CBS KCAL interview from Aug 2025 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LQm9ktGYkg

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Welcome to the Marriage Game Plan Podcast, where we help couples build healthy relationships through faith, love, and strategy. I'm George.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

And I'm Tondra, and we are so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

For over 15 years, we've been helping coach couples from NFL locker rooms to everyday living rooms on how to win a marriage, not just a vibe.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Whether you're newlywed, seasoned teammates, or somewhere in between, this podcast is your bi-monthly huddle for real talk, practical plays, and fresh game plans to help you win your home game.

Meet Jamie And Douglas

SPEAKER_01 0:41

And if you're single and hoping to be married one day, this is your podcast for practical insights and tools to help you enter into marriage with clarity, confidence, and purpose. So grab your spouse or just your headphones, and let's build a championship level marriage together. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Marriage Game Plan Podcast. And today we've got an exciting episode. We've got our friends Jamie Yucus and Douglas Green. They've been together since 2021, but married since 2024. Doug, as you're here, he's an Aussie. He's an Aussie scientist and a well-deserved father.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yes, and Jamie is an anchor on CBS LA mornings. You guys probably have seen her. George and I got an opportunity back in early August to be interviewed by her and Sheba about our book, The Marriage Game Plan, and we had a blast. We had such a blast.

Passion For Blended Families

SPEAKER_01 1:36

That's right. And we're going to include the link to that show in the show notes, or you could just go Google George and Tondra Gregory on KCal. So Jamie and Douglas, welcome to the Marriage Game Plan podcast. Thank you. Thank you for having us.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Yes. So something that you share with us that I feel like our audience will want to hear is that you are so passionate about community and blended families. So share with us more about that.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

Well, I'll I think I'll kick things off because as a stepmom and stepparent, there are no good resources for people. So as a journalist, I'm entering this relationship with this man who has a son, going, okay, I'm gonna be able to find everything I need to know. Wait, there is nothing. Or there is bad information. Yes. Or everyone is online just complaining about their situation. And so I've really kind of dug in and tried to find the right resources and people, and and I say that we're passionate about community because I think we've kind of built a little bit of community around that, wanting it to make make it a more positive space for people, not a negative space.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

That's awesome to hear. There does need to be a lot of support around blended families. There's not a lot of resources, but more and more there are blended families who need resources to help with that transition. Douglas, what about for you? How has it been blending and being a part of this blended family?

SPEAKER_05 2:54

Uh was it easy at the beginning because it's it's all very new, and especially when you already have a son who already sees a mother figure in their life, and then all of a sudden, as I'm going on my journey and re-going back out in the world and wanting to, you know, find another partner, if you will. And then I find this beautiful human that comes into my life, and like I want to introduce you to my son, and it's like, wow, how do you go about doing that?

SPEAKER_04 3:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:18

Um and then having to having him seeing this other human that means a lot to me. Um, it's really interesting how we sort of went about trying to do that and um blend it in and um have our son sort of go, oh wow, this is someone important in not just my dad's life, but also going to be important in my life. So or his life, I should say. Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Sounds like you what you were doing is you were bringing uh the best of both your worlds into each other's existence and presence, right? That was that's the best way of putting it.

SPEAKER_05 3:48

Absolutely. Um, but it's not just me. I mean, uh Jamie put so much effort in, especially into when first meeting uh my son, and how to go about slowly integrating that that sort of existence of this other person in in my life. Um, so that was very interesting in how we went about doing it. It was a slow burn, but the slow burn paid off really well.

Slow, Intentional Integration With Kids

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Exciting, exciting. So listen, if there are not very many resources on this out there, I think I'm hearing you say, Jamie, that you might be creating some resources.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

I think, I mean, with what Doug's saying is like we really were intentional and we took it very slowly. I know people, when they get together and they fall in love, they want, they want their worlds to come together, right? They want everybody to get along and be together. But it was really, um, we stepped back and said, we both came to an agreement, like, I'm not gonna meet him until we're together for X amount of time.

SPEAKER_05 4:37

We went back to his therapist at the time, and I literally had a one-on-one session with my son's therapist for 35, 40 minutes. Yeah. And I said, what is the really the best way to tackle this? Because I want to make sure this integration process is is really clear for my son because we like to view everything from the lens of him and how best we can go about doing that. So, and that was to go about things very slowly and deliberately, but very slowly.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

And then even moving in together, it was interesting because you think, like, okay, we'll make a moving day and everything'll be fine. No, I slowly moved in over several weeks. Okay, just kind of decided like on a Friday, maybe I'll come over, we'll have pizza, and then I'll go home. Yeah. Slowly get him used to me being there versus forcing myself into the space. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

You know, that's also my dad's always taught me in marriage. He says, slow is faster, actually. Right. And we're talking, we're on the the marriage game plan podcast, and that is a part of a game plan, is not to do things uh expeditiously all the time or in our own timing, but to have the timing of others, especially when we talk about our children or children from previous relationships. And so awesome.

Hinge To First Date: The Origin Story

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Yeah, I I really like the way you prioritize him getting comfortable and used to it because you all know that you want to be together and you didn't try to put that on him, but I like that you prioritize that transition. And sometimes when we're blending families, we're so ready to just be a family that we forget. No, like it is a process of blending a family, and it starts long before you get married. So good. I understand.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Right. So we we jumped in talking about your son, but we here's what we know, right? On the Marriage Game Plan podcast. We know that all love stories begin with the beginning, right? So tell us how'd you guys fall in love and meet? Or meet and fall in love.

SPEAKER_03 6:25

Yes. Well, it's kind of a funny story because there's a very simple answer and then there's a more complicated answer. So we met on Hinge, a dating app. Okay. The app meant to be deleted. Designed to be deleted. Or designed, excuse me, designed to be deleted. Yes. Um, but I was never gonna online date. This was not something I was gonna do. Obviously, I'm in the public eye. As you guys know, I was absolutely adamant against it. I worked for um CBS National News for almost 10 years here in Los Angeles, and I had a producer I worked very, very closely with, Alyssa Estrada. And Alyssa one day came to me and said, You just need to get back out there. I'd been dating, I dated some, you know, people that were okay, but not really the one. And she's like, You just gotta get back out there. Cause what she would see me do is I'd break up with someone and then I would like be a recluse and not like leave my house. Yes, you know, not do anything. And I was like, you know, I'll in my own time, it'll be fine, it'll be fine. And she said, Well, actually, you are online dating right now. Where's your profile? Whoa. This is you're on hinge and you're on bumble. And I was like, Oh yeah, and and it was literally a day or two before I was leaving to go cover the Olympics in Tokyo. Oh, wow. And I said, Why would I do this now? I'm gonna be gone like three weeks, almost a month. And she said, You're gonna start playing my roles. If the man is not willing to wait almost a month to date you, they're not worth dating. And so I went, you know what? I've been doing it my way. Yeah, it's not working, I'll do it Alyssa's way. And we started texting away. And you're in Japan. Tokyo.

SPEAKER_05 7:49

In Tokyo. So I had a I had a picture up on my page that um I'd been to Japan quite a bunch for work. And obviously, I had a picture where that was it was blurred in the background, it was a temple. I said, Where am I? And then one day there's one day I got this text, this message through the app, and it's like Japan. And I was like, Oh my god, I actually knew. It's like, oh my god, how did you know? And I wrote back, oh my god, how did you know? And like, I'm here, I'm here. It's like, oh, you're in Japan right now, and um, yeah, we we started on this two-week text fest, if you will, okay through the platform, and um eventually you were coming home, and uh we decided we're gonna have a date, a first date. And it was sort of funny because Jamie just got back, and because of the nature of her business, she's like, Well, you know, we were gonna meet in Santa Monica, and she's like, Well, I've got to get all the way down to Orange County today, then I've got to come all the way back into the valley, and then we've got to bounce back over to Santa Monica. And I went, Well, why don't let's meet you in the valley? And Jamie was like, Oh.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

It's like green flag. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_05 8:47

He's willing to relocate and do something different. Okay. I figured why not? And then I silly, I went, Well, can we have sushi? And I went, She's just been in Japan for two weeks, and I'm just like, can we have sushi? She's like, Oh great, although what has a steak.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

She was like, sure, no problem. Well, you it sounds like you all are giving some hope to the online dating process because lots and lots of singles are meeting online and getting married uh on you know, through meeting online. So, and there are some horror stories out there, but there are just as many, if not more, beautiful love stories that unfold by meeting online.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

I do think you have to be intentional about that. If there's a word baby today, it's intentional. Yeah. Um, you know, like if you're going on there and you don't really want to be in a relationship, then don't be on some of these apps, you know. Like if but if I think we both were in the place that we both had, we were both divorced, we had both gone to individual therapy, we had done work on ourselves, and we were there to find someone. And so I think when I met Doug and realized that's where he was at too, it was like, okay, it was an intentional.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

I wanted to meet a good person for the rest of my life. So you meet, you fall in love, but what were you looking for when you when you thought about a future spouse, right? Somebody to say forever, forever, forever, what were you looking for?

SPEAKER_03 10:05

Well, so what's funny is so when I went through my divorce, I went through my divorce another Olympics. I was uh Rio Redemption. Yes. I actually said I should do like a like a journey of Olympics of my love life. But it was during the Rio Olympics of 2016, and my stepfather was alive at the time, and I had a close relationship with him, which has carried over, I think, into me being a stepparent. But I remember him saying he had been in mining and gone all around the world, and he said, You really should be with a Brazilian or or an Australian. They love life like you do. Like you're you're not just passionate, like you love life, you you have this energy, and it doesn't match American men. Like you need, and it's not like I intentionally went, okay, I'm gonna go find a Brazilian or Australian, but I had I had family in Australia. I've been going to Australia since I was 19. I've always loved Australia, and so then when we met and and we started connecting, and I've been to more of Australia than Doug has.

SPEAKER_05 11:04

That's another story.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

But I think you appreciated that I also had the connection to Australia.

SPEAKER_05 11:10

Yeah, but I mean I was looking for someone that was, you know, a diff like a solid and purposeful intention that was um going to be able to handle. Obviously, I already had a son, so it's gonna be able to handle that, which is a big deal. Having to go, well, that's your kid, not my kid. Uh, and someone that had a a zest for life. You know, I really wanted to jump out there and and re-go another round, but but pretend it's like round one. Not just oh, here we go again. This is my second marriage. Yeah, sure. I want it to be something fresh and unique. Oh, beautiful.

Values: Adventure, Presence, And Growth

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Yeah, that's beautiful. So, what are some of the values and principles that you want to have in your marriage and in your life together? Well, I think we're both well, you want to go.

SPEAKER_03 11:50

You look like you're a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Oh, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 11:52

Um, like we're both such adventurous people. And I I feel since Doug and I have been together, I've said this to Doug before, he has provided me a love I haven't ever had in my life where I feel like I've been able to grow into the person that I really am meant to be. And I just want to continue growing. Sure. I want to find, you know, more passions in my life and and things that I that are interesting to me or that I'm, you know, can help build community around. So I think we, you know, there's small values like we eat dinner at the dinner table every night. Uh no phones allowed, no, no electronics allowed, to, you know, bigger things of just present and purposeful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Yeah. When you talk about growth, right? So many times what we're finding out is that some sometimes people go into marriage and they don't want to grow. They want to be the same.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

They, you know, don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Uh a young lady got who will remain nameless. Uh I'm sorry, that's me.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

I came in the marriage.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Told me when we were first married. She said, uh, you knew who you were.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Uh you knew who I was before you married me. Don't try to change me. And so that I've quickly learned that growth and change is a part of a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

So and I don't think you should change for the other person, per se, right? But you can grow into maybe the better version of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Growth is evolving. Yes. We're all supposed to evolve over time and get better.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

I totally agree.

SPEAKER_05 13:22

I think I think you should focus more on the growth part than the change part. Growth gives you so much more uh opportunity that you didn't think you had before, and then you'll look back over your shoulder and go, wow, didn't I grow? Sure. And look, I have changed through the growth that I went through. So I think that's a really important thing to focus on.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 13:39

And it's flexibility. Because you know, growth and change are not easy, and you know, it's a hard pill to swallow. But if you can do that and you and you see where your relationship goes with your partner through it, you sort of go, Oh, wow, this is another dimension I never thought about.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Yeah. Well, and I think what you're alluding to is that we call each other growth mates.

SPEAKER_05 13:56

Yes, sure.

SPEAKER_03 13:56

We don't call each other soulmates, and we we use that in our vows at our weddings.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

Wait, can you say that? Can you say that one more time?

Growth Mates Not Soulmates

SPEAKER_03 14:02

That's we are growth mates, not soulmates. Wow. Because I think if you if you're a soulmate, it's we're in love, we're together, everything's gonna be perfect. If you're a growth mate, you've made the dedication that you are gonna choose each other every day and allow each other to grow into the best of who the two of you are. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

That is a wonderful value.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

I want to say to our listeners out there today, listen, if you want to take any nugget from today's conversation, listen, you are growth mates, not just soulmates or not soulmates, you are growth mates, and that helps us to build our marriage game plan, I think, one step at a time, right? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. So when it comes down to uh we we have a section called facing opponents, right? And you know, we're NFL chaplains, and we hear that you guys like it. Oh, you are?

SPEAKER_03 14:48

I didn't I didn't wear my Chargers sweatshirt for nothing.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

That's right, that's right. But Jamie, now you you have on a Chargers sweatshirt, but are you a Chargers fan?

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Well here's the thing, and I tell everyone, I'm a Minnesota Viking fan. Okay, and if anyone actually does follow the NFL, they know that that is the most heartbreaking team that you can follow. We've never won a Super Bowl. Okay. Every time we get close, we choke. We've been through like eight quarterbacks in six or seven years. It is yeah, probably. It it is heartbreaking. So I've now lived in LA almost 10 years. Okay. This year I got my first ever tattoo of a California poppy. Okay. So maybe I'm slowly, slowly finding myself. Maybe I'm growing into charger getting into it. We'll see where it goes.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Well, welcome to the dark side. And Douglas, what's your team?

SPEAKER_05 15:39

Oh boy, this is gonna create a lot of controversy. New England Patriots. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

He's Australian. Why does he even like football?

SPEAKER_05 15:46

I was gonna say, I didn't even know that NFL football was uh and it started, oh, funnily enough, it started during the 2000 Olympics in Sydney. Ha, Olympic theme. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, we won't need to go there. It'll take a long time.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Well, that that's interesting, right? Knowing that we all have a love for NFL teams and and competition, we understand He only likes this team because one of the players reminds him of a rugby union player. Is that it? So it the truth. Teddy Bruski, you know who you are. The truth comes out. Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

I love it. We all have our reasons, right? For the teams that we support.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

It wasn't Brady, it was Teddy Brisky. Well, whatever scheme we root for, right? Or whatever league that we root for. What we know is that we have opponents that we face, and that's no different in our marriage, right? So we we look at each other all the time and we say happily ever after uh soon wears out or wears uh you know over. Oh, yeah. Once you get married, does settle. So in your marriage, right, we want to know how do you overcome certain things in your marriage? Or let me say it like this what are a few challenges that you faced in your marriage, right? And how do you work together to overcome those challenges?

SPEAKER_03 17:02

Um, I'm gonna try to very carefully articulate this. Uh, when you do go to blend families, it is not just about your future partner and the child who you're being very intentional about. But there's usually another adult human being in the room, right? Who is the biological parent who should have total say over medical decisions and school decisions and all the big things because they are they're in it. Um and it can also be very difficult because I don't know this person, right? I don't have a history with this person, I don't know how the two of them fought.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

I don't know what their repair cycle was or what and so not only sometimes when you're fighting, you're like, wait, I d do you think I'm your ex? Because that's not like what are you thinking right now? But also sometimes information from the other household that you're like, how am I going to process that and handle that?

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

Do I want to escalate this and maybe cause problems in my relationship with because this other person is deciding to have input? Or am I gonna just like let it be and deal with it? Um and that gets really, really hard.

Challenges Of Blending And Boundaries

SPEAKER_05 18:18

And I think in the beginning I think in the beginning too, I I my boundaries weren't probably set properly. I think too, and I think that was something that I had to learn in going into our relationship. Was like, oh, my boundaries were a little lax, and I need to put those in place, not to be cruel to anybody, but also to prioritize and to make sure that Jamie's getting my full devotion and love in the correct way. And in doing that, I need to set boundaries around particular things, and I think I was not good at doing that in the beginning. So that was a challenge, that wasn't easy for me. Sure. And I had to learn along the way, uh, therapy helped. Yeah, couples therapy helped. Okay. We love Dwayne, we love Dwayne, all right. It's our therapist, we had to we just put it out there. We adore our therapists.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Oh, you was our vowel.

SPEAKER_05 19:04

Um, but I I I think you know that was a big challenge, and I think it was it was harder on me maybe sometimes because I it was a blurred line to me, I didn't understand it very well. But I think Jamie saw it very clearly. Yeah, and so I had to go and went, right, I gotta pull my socks up here and do some homework on this, and it's on me. Yeah, it's on me. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

And to realize that and to feel those shoes.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Yeah, that's awesome. I I love that that you can identify right boundaries, which is I think a lot of couples they need to understand what boundaries are, right? Boundaries of opposite sex or too much social media time or phone time, or we're we're doing so much that we probably should should stop. But then what what you talked about was really slowing down, asking the right questions. We can be responsive, we can be the explosive, but when you ask the right questions, then sometimes you can learn what to say and what not to say just by reading the moment, which really talks about a healthy game plan.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Yeah, and it takes so much self-control and maturity.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

Oh, and I didn't always have it. Okay, I'm not perfect. Yeah, there are there are definitely moments.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

Yes, but if this other party was here, she'd probably tell you that. So I'll just put it out there. Yeah, so it is it's a part of the growth, right? Yes, part of the growth. And I do love that you are it's like a part of blending families, is also like there is another parent in this circle that we have to learn how to navigate. Um, and we can't like separate that because it's best for the child when we can all be on the same team and supporting each other and it's supporting the child. And it is very difficult to do that unless you have three adults who are at that level of maturity and self-control, and to keep the big picture in mind of what we're building together.

SPEAKER_01 20:57

I love I love what you said about we're on the same team because when we talk about we're on the same team in the book, we're talking about as couple.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

But we're explore exploring more with that now because it's the same team as far as with blended families. It's not just you as a couple, but it's the child, it's the other parent, it's it's the other in-laws that are coming in and things of that nature. And so that's that's awesome. You're on the same team. You were about to say something.

Therapy As A Foundation

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Well, and I just appreciate so the funny thing for me is that I very much was like, I'm not a parent. I'm not a parent, I'm not a parent. And he would kind of look at me and be like, Well, what are you like, what do you think you're doing? You know?

SPEAKER_05 21:31

Let me take you back to our first couples therapy session. And Dwayne literally looks at Jamie and goes, but you are a parent. And I went, You are now a parent, whether you like it or not, you are a parent.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

But I never wanted to step on the other person's toes. I never but now I I do own I am parenting this kid. And he will cause sometimes I'll still say, Well, I'm not the biological parent, so I can't make and he's like, But you're a parent. Right. Yeah. And I'm like, Okay, thank you. Validation.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Jamie, it's a parent that you are a parent.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Yes. And I grew up in a single parent household with my mom. And that's something that she always said, we come as a package deal. If you want me, you want my child. And if you want my child, you want me. Like we come together. And so yeah, that's just a part of what you're marrying into. It's like, hey, like this is a part of the deal.

unknown 22:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

We hope you are enjoying this episode. We also wanted to let you know we offer relationship coaching for individuals, couples, and groups needing more personal hands-on support and guidance.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

Yeah, the book is session. You simply go to our website. Now let's jump back into today's episode.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

So uh so another question is how have you learned to support each other's strengths and differences? Well, the funny thing, I what do you think our differences are? Oh, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Yeah, tell us. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

Like that's the funny thing is people meet us and we're we're both like very goofy. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 23:02

Goofy, giggly, great sense of humor.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

Like we're both very people-oriented.

SPEAKER_05 23:07

Very much so. Um so it's more about building up our strength. Yeah. And going, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

But I I do, I mean, I do tell people I think when I said earlier, like, Doug has given me love I hadn't had before, like, I feel like I can take on whatever. I I'm not gonna go to him and say, Hey, I'd like to now get my Master of Arts and Psychology at Pepperdine. How do you feel about that? And he's gonna go, no. He's like, Great. He's very supportive in anything. I and then it's like, well, let's figure out how that's gonna work. How's the schedule gonna work? How's the finances gonna work? How but he's very much like, okay, if this is what you want, then let's figure out how to make it happen. Yeah.

Community As A Competitive Edge

SPEAKER_05 23:45

Yeah, because I feel so incredibly supported by Jamie as well. So it just it's a two-way street. And then why on earth would you not want to help and support your partner in a new endeavor like that? I mean, that that's a that's a pretty heavy stretch to which they come home and I want to do another degree at this time in your career. Sure. You're like, you want to do what? So it wasn't like this, like I can see you do that. Let's let's figure that out and let's make it happen. Because if the t if the tables were flipped, Jamie would be like, okay, what do we do? How do we get that done? So I think that's our relationship.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

I do think that's the difference about a second marriage. I think I if I look back, I did not have the maturity emotionally, maybe. Um, you know, we my ex-husband and I were both a lot younger, we both were career-driven, we both wanted certain things out of life that didn't necessarily match up with one another. I don't know that we had the flexibility to be able to give, you know, where it needed. So I do think that was a lot of my work was that when I got divorced, I went, oh, I did contribute in this way. Yeah. And I don't want to do that again. So when you say different, I it it it's interesting because it's like we fight and we repair and we have arguments. Oh but another key word, repair. Repair, yeah, yes. But differences, it's you know, yeah, I think when you go into a second marriage, there's just a lot, you think about things differently than you did your first marriage. Totally. Yeah. Not that I'm advocating that people have like.

SPEAKER_05 25:11

Especially the veteran quarterback going to the game. And you've seen this play before. Yeah. I got this. Sure, sure. Yeah. I'm gonna go about this differently.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

Yeah, yeah. I like that. So what I'm hearing that your game plan, in whether that's differences or conflict or strengths, is to really go into the mindset of how can I support? How can I support and what can I, how can I bring my strengths to help this happen if this is something my spouse is interested in. And and I love the you can select differently once you know yourself, you know. I tell people, uh, you know, George and I got married young. I'm not the same woman he married at at that point. You guys might be in your third or fourth marriage.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Hey.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

So, you know, what he signed on for when I was in my 20s is not the same things that he's signing on for in my, I'm not sharing the other end of that, but your second 20. My second 20. Yeah, there you go. I like that. So I do like that.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

Yeah, and what what what I'm hearing though is is a part of uh going into a second marriage for you guys is is how are you gonna do it different? Yeah. If you're doing the same old things and expecting a different result, somebody said that's insanity, right? So to approach it is how am I going to respond different? How am I going to do things in a different way, more loving, being more kind, or whatever helps us. And so can you guys share a season? I know you've only been married a year and a half, but can you share a season that felt like a loss, right? Like all teams, especially the Patriots, you know, dynasty team, but yet, yeah, they're going through a little loss uh occasionally these days, right? What what so if you can think of a loss, how did you overcome that loss or grow from the loss together?

Protecting Privacy Within Community

SPEAKER_05 26:59

I don't know if we have a big big losses yet. Um but I I'm gonna go back to our couples therapy. I think that gave us an incredible rigid foundation of where to start tackling problems from, and if things did come up, we would go back to that, and and I I would definitely go back to that. In my past days I would be like, eh, whatever, and I'd shrug it off and not really think about it. But now when there is a a a challenge or something that's uncomfortable for me, I I now try and lean into that a lot more than I ever would. And that's not easy for me back prior Doug, if you will. Uh and I but I see when I do do that, the energy and the and the growth between Jamie and I is huge. Um so I don't know if that answers the question. No, that's very good.

SPEAKER_03 27:47

Well, I mean, I and to be honest, like when we talk about intention again, going back to when Doug asked me to move in with him, I looked at him and said, Well, if this is leaning toward marriage, uh, you're divorced, I'm divorced, you've got a kid. I grew up in a dysfunctional household, you grew up in a dysfunctional household. Uh, we both done our individual therapy, but to me, if that's where this is headed, we need to go to couples therapy. So it wasn't that there was anything wrong in a relationship, which is what I want to point out. It was that things were going really well and we wanted to keep growing. And I think what we found in therapy is that when moments came up that were feeling like a loss, maybe, you know, maybe from the outside or family or other extended circumstances or jobs or whatever the case may be, we were able to get into that room and very quickly nip it in the bud. Nip it in the bud, figure out how to deal with it, and that now have the tools moving forward.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Yeah, that's before it became a problem. Yeah, that's a viable game plan, right? What I what I love about you guys is you guys are so open and honest. Yeah, like we have a therapist, his name is Dwayne. We love the way we put him in our waiting valves, right? Their promises is we will always walk with Dwayne because therapy helps, right? And to work on ourselves. See, some couples out there today, they probably don't think that they need to work on themselves.

Legacy Of Hope And Fun

SPEAKER_00 29:08

They think well, everybody's gotta work on themselves. But sometimes couples do think that therapy is only for when there's problems and dysfunction.

SPEAKER_04 29:16

Sure. No, why why can't you have therapy when things are great? That's right. Imagine that, going to therapy session, already things are great to cut. And then you woke out and things are even better.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

Exactly. Love it.

SPEAKER_04 29:27

And that's really terrible.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

We they wrote this book, uh, I forget who's the author now, but it was called Good to Great, right? And he's basically saying, Why have a good company when you can have a great company? Sounds like you're saying is why wait to have a a bad marriage when you can have a great marriage and you can have the help that you need throughout.

SPEAKER_05 29:45

It can elevate it to so many different things you just don't even know about. Yeah, you always take a guarantee for an old change. There's nothing wrong with going in for an old change, if you will, if you have to say it like that. It's okay. Right. Yeah, it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

It is easy to do. It's definitely okay. You know, I transition here because uh for the sake of time, I do want to explore community because um research shows that couples who have a supportive community uh have a better chance of success. I like that you your therapist is a part of your community. What else what other mentors or friends or you know, what other community are you building in your marriage at this time?

SPEAKER_03 30:23

Well, it's funny if you watch the show, I'm always talking about my neighbor Helena and her husband Michael, and they have been married a very, very long time and they've been through a lot, but I think they're two people who we really lean on and talk to and have thoughtful conversations, and they're a little bit older than us. Um, so that has been a wonderful relationship.

SPEAKER_05 30:42

But friends Kate and Carl.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

Our friends Kate and Carl, who have also they've been through their own trials and tribulations and just were able to have a little baby boy, which was so thrilled for them. Um but you know, I think other couples in our life, I also just think I feel very lucky. Like we got married in Sydney, Australia, and we had a hundred people at the wedding, fifty were American and 50 were Australian. What? And I had one Aussie and he had one American type of situation. But um, you know, we just have people that have really, even if they live across the country, you know, we're getting together in the summer, we're planning vacations together, birthdays together. We just have really good friends.

SPEAKER_05 31:24

Wonderful. Yeah, I think they're really they really felt our intentions of being growth mates and I think outwitting. They really felt that, and I think we're really blessed to have that, and that was so pumped. We're just so happy to be there for us. But um, they give us inspiration, I think, still.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Yeah, yeah. So it sounds like a part of the game plan is is not just therapy, but you have a community around you. You can cheer on, but they can cheer you on. And when you need support, they could be there to support you.

SPEAKER_03 31:48

I mean, we could go on with names forever.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

But yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_05 31:52

We're always very open and very honest too, which I think there's a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

And I like that. And I like that because marriage can feel like such a private thing for couples. Yeah. And I always say it because it's private, you don't want to just only have people you go to when you have problems. You really want people doing life with you so that they have more context and support for you. And you want people who are also trying to have this uh healthy marriage as well.

SPEAKER_03 32:18

Well, and I've I've had conversations with some friends even recently, I won't name names. Yeah, uh, but sometimes you tell your family too much. And I, even though your family is part of your community, sure, I sometimes think you have to put them on the outer ring of the community because if you start telling your family everything that's going on, and they then start talking, and then everybody's got your business, and they come up with their own, you know, uh idea of what's gonna work and what is it. I I that was one big thing I really had to learn. It's like, oop, they don't need this information.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Yes. And I get that because I'm I'm a mom of some adult children, and once you heard, you know, once you uh my daughter tells me something or my son tells me something, I can't unknow it, and it's already done for that person, whoever treated you like that or said that, it's hard for me to come back.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

So I hear you.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Well, that's awesome. Listen, guys, you've been married a year and a half, but let's look forward to the next 30, 40, 50 years. What what type of legacy uh does Douglas and Jamie want to leave behind?

SPEAKER_03 33:24

Yeah. Oh that word so so deep, so heavy. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 33:29

I think what a fun couple. Genuine, fun, authentic, real people that want to be incredibly inclusive of the community around them as well.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

Um I also want us to inspire other people.

SPEAKER_05 33:44

I have I have so many people look in to see that and go, why can't we be like that?

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Yeah, sure. And we've and we've had a few friends tell us who have gone through, you know, their own divorces of, oh, you've given me hope that they're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_05 33:56

Yeah, I had a particular friend back in Australia that I just learned maybe a few months back that was um found out that he was getting going to be divorced. And literally one of the things he said almost word for word was like, What God's giving me hope to get through this is looking at myself and you and Jamie. So to see you guys, because he was at our wedding, to see you guys to be where you are now gives me so much hope. And I can be there, I can grow through this, and I can be better, and I can get on the other side of this. And wow, look what God could be ahead of me. Sure. Which is huge.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

Yeah. Because I think a lot of people do lose hope. So I would I would hope we give a little hope.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

That's right. That's right. Yeah. At least go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

No, I was gonna say, and we all need hope because hope affects how we work at something. If we feel hopeless, then it can impact our efforts and intentionality and our hard work to put into a growing healthy relationship or seeking a mate for the future, right? So Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Well, in our book, we talk about that if you are going to leave a legacy, you've got to begin with the end in mind. And then you start working your way back from that, right?

SPEAKER_03 35:00

And so it's well, see, we don't ever want anything to end. So that's our problem. When he says fun, we just want the fun to keep you with us.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Sure. Yes. And that's a that's a part of your win, though, is you want to have fun, you want to be, you know, authentic. And and so uh, Jamie, Doug, Douglas, sorry, thank you so much for being here today. We this has been exciting.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

It has been exciting and so much. I love that you know the blended family aspect. I think we know that that's a lot of questions that people write into us about is about blended family. So thank you for giving those uh game plans of how you guys blend it. Seemed like you're doing a great job blending as a family. We try.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

We do. That's where you find it. Thanks, Rick Holy Guy. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, thank you for tuning in to the Marriage Game Plan podcast, where we believe every couple can win with the right strategy.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

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SPEAKER_01 36:01

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SPEAKER_00 36:13

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SPEAKER_01 36:20

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SPEAKER_00 36:25

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SPEAKER_01 36:32

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